myth busting
There are many different ideas and fears about the counselling process, so maybe it will help to dispel a few misconceptions. Here are a few I have frequently encountered:
“What’s the point of counselling? I’ve got family who can listen.”
It’s great if you are lucky enough to have family members who have the time and understanding to listen to you. The fact that they care for you makes it hard to tell them some things for fear of upsetting or worrying them - because you care for them too. They usually have enough problems of their own, and it is natural and loving to want to protect them from being ‘over-burdened’. It’s easier to remove this worry and share your problems with a stranger who is appropriately educated and experienced to cope.
“I’ll have to talk about things I don’t want to share.”
Absolutely not. You are in the ‘driving seat’ throughout, and share as much (or as little) as you choose. It’s your time to use how you need to use it. Silence is also ok.
“I’ll have to lie on a couch and have my head looked into … what might they
find???”
There is no couch. There is no torch being shone into your head. You are active, not the passive victim of some kind of investigation.
“They’re going to tell me what to do [and I won’t like it].”
I will listen attentively and observe body language and nuance - then help you to reflect on your experience and make meaning from it. Suggestions may be offered, based on what you have shared, but you will never be given instructions. Remember the driving seat …?
“I’m going to be fixed.”
‘Fraid not. I am not a mind-engineer, and you are not a broken machine. I passionately believe that you have the resources to fix yourself, but you have temporarily misplaced them. We all do this at some point(s) in our lives. Trauma, bereavement, illness and general Life Stuff can all make us feel desperately incapable of sorting ourselves out. The counselling process can help you to find those resources again.
“It’s a talking shop - how’s that supposed to help?”
I don’t really know. There are many theories about this, but I’m going with this one: somehow the release of our pain / suffering (in words or otherwise) - when genuinely heard without fear of judgement - plays an important role in moving forwards. Where else can that happen?
“What if I tell them something they have to report me for? I might get
myself in trouble …”
Good question. Counselling is confidential, and you will make a counselling contract with me which spells this out. Confidentiality can be broken if you or someone else is considered to be in serious danger, or (and you may need to look this one up) in the case of money laundering …
“Why would anyone want to listen to me moaning?”
Maybe it is an odd way to spend my time, but I can guarantee it’s a lifestyle of choice - your idea of “moaning” is probably my idea of courageous sharing. It’s an honour to listen to you.
“I’ve always got by on my own - I don’t need any do-gooder’s help.”
If you are happy getting by on your own, that’s great. If it stops working for you one day, and you find the courage to ask for professional help, I am available for you (no do-gooder involved…).
“I must be hopeless if I need a counsellor.”
You may feel hope-less, i.e. without hope, and that is a very tough place to be. Almost all of us inhabit that place at some stage in our lives. You don’t have to stay there alone. As a species, we humans are designed to connect with each other and to remind each other what hope looks and feels like.
“I’ve been diagnosed with [ADHD / autism / OCD / BPD … etc.] - I’m beyond help.”
It can be useful to receive a diagnosis or confirmation of neurodiversity - this may help you understand more about your behaviours and feelings. However, a label can also make you feel like giving up on yourself, restricting your potential to make the most of life. You are an individual, with your own strengths and quirks. You are more than your label.